Quotes - Season 1
Pilot
Keith: Who's your Daddy?
Veronica: Ugh, I hate it when you say that.
Keith: You know what, this is important. You remember this: I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the eight-track, a foxy, stacked blonde riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Ah, wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything, I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".
Keith: I nailed our bail jumper 100 yards from México. Twenty-five hundred bucks. No sack dinners tonight. Tonight, we eat like the lower-middle class to which we aspire! Fire up the hibachi
Logan: Hey, Veronica Mars. Do you know what your little joke cost me?
Veronica: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.
Logan: [smashes a headlight] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?
Veronica: Clearly your sense of humor.
Logan: [smashes other headlight] Nope. And you're usually so good at pop quizzes. No, the correct answer is: my car. That's right, my Daddy took my T-bird away. And you know what I won't be having? Fun, fun, fun
Credit Where Credit's Due
Troy: Flat? Veronica: [voiceover] They gave me a choice. I could stand by my dad, or stand by Duncan and my dead best friend's family. I chose Dad. It's a decision I live with every day. And you want to know the kicker? I don't even know what's true anymore. Maybe everyone else is right. Maybe Dad screwed up the investigation. Maybe I gave up my circle of friends - my life - over an error in Dad's judgment |
Wallace: Another big Friday night. You got plans? Veronica: I printed out the entire browser history from Logan Echolls' computer in his fourth period computer lab class. |
Meet John Smith
Troy: Guess what I'm doing this weekend.
Veronica: I'm guessing it involves autoeroticism
Keith:Have you been playing nice with the other children?
Veronica: You know Dad, I'm old school, an eye for an eye.
Keith: I think that's actually Old Testament
Keith: So how did she rope you into this?
Wallace She promised me all the answer keys to… just promised to be my friend.
Keith: I'd have held out for a better offer.
Troy: Let me see your phone.
Veronica: What are you doing?[He adds his phone number to her phone.]
Troy: It is now booty-call enabled.
Keith: It's just that I never want you to think your mom's the villain in all this.
Veronica: Isn't she?
Keith: No, it's not that simple.
Veronica: Yeah, it is. The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.
Keith: I don't think that's a healthy perspective.
Veronica: It's healthier than me pining away everyday, praying she'll come home.
The Wrath of Con
[Veronica arrives home from a date.]
Veronica: So, what did you think of him?
Keith: Oh, hey, you're home early.
Veronica: Oh, hey, did you run his license plate or did you get fingerprints?
Keith: I'm sorry, honey, what?
Veronica: You know you're not fooling me.
Keith: Okay. Veronica, I have no idea what you're talking about. [Veronica scoffs and starts to go to her room] Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you. If he's gonna be kissing my daughter on my porch for eight-and-a-half minutes, I'll need to meet him. Sweet dreams, honey.
Veronica: Is that really necessary?
Keith: He's taking up a lot of daddy/daughter time.
Keith: So, Veronica tells me, uhm, well actually she hasn't told me anything about you.
Troy: Well, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Keith: Neither do I. [both laugh]
Troy: Well, if you have any questions or you know you want a list of references or anything.
Keith: So, you going to the homecoming dance?
Troy: Oh yes, sir, if that's okay with you.
Keith: Oh, of course. And after the dance?
Troy: Well I think that Veronica said that she had to be right home after.
Keith: Yeah, good. And you're gonna stay for the whole dance. I mean, you're not gonna leave early and go to a party or a hotel, and still make it back by curfew?
Troy: No, uh, I mean, the whole point of going to the dance... is to go to the dance.
Keith: Good. Good. So you won't mind then, that I canceled your reservation at the Four Seasons?
You Think You Know Somebody
[Veronica drags Luke into the bathroom.] |
Veronica:: [to Troy, about Logan] Uh, your monkey's gonna have to ride in the back. |
Return of the Kane
Duncan: Thanks, Dad. You know, I polled the rest of the soccer team. None of them want to see my junk.
Jake: Well, now you're covered
Veronica : Tough day?
Keith [imitating Phillip Marlowe] That ain't the half of it. See, this dame walks in, and you should've seen the getaway sticks on her. Says something's hinky with her old man.
Veronica: [imitating Marlowe] Did ya put the screws to him?
Keith: You ain't kiddin', he sang like a canary.
Veronica: [normal voice] You're in luck, Phillip Marlowe, because it's dessert for dinner night, and I've got a sundae thing set up here.
Keith: [normal voice] If child services finds out about this, they will take you away.
Veronica: Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take.
Keith: Honey, shouldn't we try something at the base of the food pyramid? You know - fruits and vegetables.
Veronica: [gasps] What is that? A maraschino cherry.
Lilly Check you out, Veronica Mars. You're like a rocker chick now. You and I, we'd have a lot of fun together. Yeah, if, um, if I wasn't dead and stuff.
Veronica: Why are you here?
Lilly: Don't you watch any horror movies? My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served.
Veronica: Really?
Lilly: Yeah, that, and as kinda a side project, I dispense fashion advice
The Girl Next Door
Logan: They teach you manners in ESL?
Weevil: If I was gonna cheat, don't you think I'd pick somebody smart?
Logan: If you "was gonna"?
Mr. Daniels: Ah, alas, you both get zeroes. No talking during tests.
Logan: I guess Mrs. Daniels ain't giving it up at home, huh?
Mr. Daniels: You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?
Logan: [sarcastically] Please say "high school English teacher." Please say "high school English teacher." [Weevil snickers]
Mr. Daniels: Mr. Navarro. I wonder if you'll find Mr. Echolls so amusing ten years from now - when you're pumping his gas
Veronica: Did you hear something last night?
Keith: What kind of something?
Veronica: Like a loud thump from upstairs.
Keith: I don't know. But you know me, I can sleep through an earthquake. Why?
Veronica: I don't know. It sounded like a falling body. It really freaked me out.
Keith: A falling body?
Veronica: Yes, a falling body.
Keith: Would you describe the sound as "Hitchcockian"?
Veronica: I'm glad you're able to entertain yourself.
Keith: Oh, sweetie, don't sell yourself short. I find you completely entertaining.
Veronica: Think I've got a future in the biz?
Keith: I think you've got a future as a highly paid Ivy League-educated executive of some sort who never thinks about private investigation again in her perfect life. Now... let's do something normal fathers and daughters do.
Veronica: Buy me a pony?
Keith: I was thinking I'd watch TV and you'd rub my feet.
Veronica: Hmm. Yeah, that's normal
Like a Virgin
Veronica: Well, does this towel make me look fat?
Meg: You need something to wear? [they walk out of school with Veronica wearing a cheerleading uniform] I usually have sweats in my locker. Sorry.
Veronica: No, this is perfect. I just have to resist the urge to do a cartwheel.
Veronica: Is there any way to convert cyphertext to plaintext without initial knowledge of the crypto algorithms?
Computer Teacher: Excuse me?
Veronica: I'm trying to figure out how someone could have overridden the control framework on the school server in order to access everyone's password. Can you help me?
Computer Teacher: Yeah... uh, in real life... I'm actually a gym teacher.
Veronica: You ready to put the hurt on that Pythagorean theorem?
Wallace You don't even want to mess with me on that today. I just about merked my mom's crazy, no-rent-paying tenant this afternoon.
Veronica: That guy's sleazy, so I hope merked means something bad. You know, my dad's still got that sheriff sheen. He's great at scaring people away.
Wallace: No, I got it covered. [Keith enters the room]
Veronica: Seriously, you should talk to him.
Keith: Am I giving you the birds and bees again, Wallace?
Drinking the Kool-Aid
Keith: It's a waterbed. Veronica: [voiceover] Forbidden barn? Check. Implied polygamy? Check. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a cult |
Veronica: [voiceover] I can't get it out of my mind. Somewhere in Pennsylvania a lab tech is determining if I'm heir to a billion-dollar fortune. It's not about the money. It's about making Jake Kane pay. But if I am an heiress, [Southern accent] as God is my witness, I'll never take cold showers again! |
An Echolls Family Christmas
Veronica I'd be the best rich person, seriously. I'd be the perfect combination of frivolous and sensible. Money is so wasted on the wealthy.
Veronica: Someone stole your laptop?
Duncan: There was this poker game at Logan's last night. Weevil won five grand and someone stole the money. This is his way of collecting.
Veronica: You lie down with dogs, you're gonna get fleas.
Duncan: I didn't invite him.
Veronica: I wasn't talking about Weevil
[Everyone strips to find the stolen money.]
Sean: This is ridiculous.
Connor: Yeah, I usually get six figures for this.
Sean: What about you?
Weevil: I'm the one who got his money stolen.
Sean: Mmm, I'm thinking... crabs?
Weevil: I told your mother to clean up.
Logan: Guys, play nice.
Weevil: Trust me. I'm playing nice
Logan: Ho, ho, [looks at Veronica] ho.
Veronica: [voiceover] What was I thinking? Christmas in Neptune is, was and always will be, about the trappings: the lights and the tinsel they use to cover up the sordidness, the corruption. No, Veronica, there is no Santa Claus
Silence of the LambKeith: You don't go to the Oceanside bars that the college kids hang out at, do you? |
Clash of the Tritons
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Lord of the Bling
Veronica:Next time remember: Lift drunk combative bail jumpers with your legs, not your back.
Keith: Hey honey, what's cooking?
Veronica: Not sure myself. Something that ends in -aroni.
Aaron: Have you heard from your sister?
Logan: She sent a telegram. Heartbroken. Stop. Can't make it back from Sydney. Stop. Underwater shoot starts tomorrow. Stop. Entire crew said prayer for mom. Stop. Love you. Stop.
Aaron: Logan...
Logan: Stop?
Lilly: I'm ditching his party this weekend 'cause I don't want him getting all crazy violent every time a boy undresses me with his eyes, which happens all the time. It's not my fault. I can't help it, God made me fabulous
Logan: You know what Mom would have wanted! She would have wanted you to not sleep with all her friends. She would have wanted you to care as much about her as your career. So okay, Dad, let's be honest. Maybe we both wished we'd been better. But she's only gone because of you.